CNN (Casey news network)

Hello viewers welcome to column number 17 of CNN. Lets get to it. First Cowboys head coach retires! It appers Bill Parcells is hanging up his tutu and finding work somewhere else. There is a god in the world! Next Chester Park Casino. Since the sucsess of Philadelphia Park Casino Chester is trying to get more world war 2 veterans aka senior citizens by building their own casino. An obvious attempt to compete with Philly Park. Next Epic Movie. a new spinoff of the Scary Movie series will be making its way to theaters now. not even the sexyest strippers can kill the Scary Movie franchise. And now before we go I would like to introduce a new feature to CNN the jackass of the week which will start now. The nominess are for this week.

Chester Park Casino

George Bush

Carmen Electra

and Bill Parcells.

And the winner is drum roll please. Chester Park Casino. That is all the time we have for today join me again next time on CNN.

Hello viewers welcome to coloumn number 16 of CNN. Lets get to it. First Fluffy white accidents. It is the wonderful time of year again and people seem to be accident proned at this time. I guess any old bozo can drive these days. Next You Tube. That site is just a poor excuse for people with no lifes to post their crap to the delite of nobody. The same people that tune in to the Sci Fi channel to hopefully see a Star Trek Reunion. Next Volley Ball Bob the one man showoff. Now my sisters elemantary school had him and invited us to come. He beat half the school who probably only played volley ball at a playground once. And talked on the mic more times than I can count. Impressive? You be the judge. That is all the time we have for today join me again next time on CNN.

Hello viewers welcome to column number 15 of CNN (special editions do not count). Before we get started I would like to mention that today is my 14th birthday. so everbody sing happy birthday (do not sing). Enough about me lets get to CNN. First Beauty and the Geek. It is a show on the CW network that pairs hot women and ugly guys. Tip to hot women close your eyes and pretend he is George Clooney. Next The Saddam Hussien Debate. The iraqi goverment is currently worrying that since Saddam Hussien is dead how will this affect the war? Earth to Bush are you listening if you are send the soilders home. Next Billionare vs Lesbian. It all started when Rosie made an offensive comment about Trump on The View. Now it has become a war of words between the two. I never knew Rosie had enough energy to talk. That is all the time we have folks join me again next time on CNN.

Hello viewers welcome to a special edition of CNN. Today on CNN we find out how TO really prepared for the Eagles vs Cowgirls game.

9:00 am TO wakes up from his million dollar mansion and asks his personal chef to make a weight watchers sausage omlette and penis shaped bacon.

10:01 am breakfast is ready and TO realizes that the bacon is not penis shaped. He fires the chef for the mistake.

11:30 am TO goes to the local gay bath house to train.

11:43 am After doing some squats and lifting weights TO goes to the shower and drops the soap a record breaking 7 times.

1:05 pm TO arrives for practice but is 5 minutes late. The coach yells at him for being late. TO responds by spitting in his face.

3:15 pm The assitant coach approches TO and reveals for sppiting in the coachs face the coach has fined TO $20.00.

4:15 pm It is now game time and TO is ready to play.

7:15 pm after his loss to the Eagles 23-7 TO gets informed that a local post game radio show wants to interview him. TO accepts the offer.

10:20 pm After TO just did nothing but complain about the team in the interview TO returns to his million dollar mansion. He finds that his date has arrived a gay super model. TO is going to be busy for the rest of the night. That is all the time we have we will return to our normal topic next Saturday which is what I think of the world until then see you next time.