CNN (Casey news network)

Hello viewers welcome to a special edition of CNN. I know this might be a surprise to some people since I did not warn people about this on CNN but I did warn people in an advertisment on FOX. This was a last minute decsion but I am sure you will have something to talk about either way. We are going to see how Tara Connor AAs reject prepared to get to last nights Miss USA pagent.

9:00 am Tara gets out of bed with her 20th hangover of the year taking its toll.

10:30 am Tara makes breakfast which is Slimfast mixed with alcohol.

11:05 am After Tara is done breakfast she decides to go to her car.

11:16 am Tara has been pulled over by the cops for drunk driving.

12:00 pm Tara has posted $600 bail for her release.

2:00 pm Tara has found out that TGI Fridays has generously offered to cater the event to everbody involved in the Miss USA Pagent.

2:06 pm Tara unsurpiseingly orders the Jack Daniels steak and a 6 pack of Coors Light.

4:00 pm Tara finds out that rehersal time is next and lets just say she drinks some good old miracle juice to prepare.

4:30 pm The Miss USA girls think that Tara got drunk again since she sounded and acted drunk during rehersal.

6:00 pm Tara has passed out backstage as producers litiralley panic.

9:00 pm Tara has been replaced by a look alike as Miss USA goes on the air.

11:00 pm Tara suddenly revives when TGI Fridays catering has arrived and she smells the alcohol.

11:30 PM the cops arrive and they say the money she bailed in the morning was counter fit money. Tara is never seen again. By the way folks CNN will not be updated next week as I will be on vacation but CNN will return in two weeks along with the jackass of the week award. Until then see you next time.

Advertisment Next week FOX will have a special edition as well, Caseys favorite resturants that he reviewed will be revealed in a list of his top 10 favorites. Dont miss it.

FOX The Real Resturanters Review.

Hello viewers welcome to column number 24 of CNN. Lets get to it. First The New today.com. Now several months ago Today.com changed their design and now they change it again. Leave the site alone. Next Miss USA passes the torch. Apparently their is going to be a new Miss USA to be crowned and the previous Miss USA is going to be the one to pass the torch. I hear to prepare  Miss USAs doing some 12 ounce curls in the bar if you know what I am saying. Next Identity. Identity is a show on the NBC network that one person tries to guess what 12 peoples occupations are. You know what my occupation is giving you real news as it is. Hee Haw Hee Haw why that sound can mean only one thing other than Miss USA it is time for the jackass of the week.

Here are this weeks nominesse

Jeff Garcia (for signing with Tampa Bay)

Britney Spears (for more strange behavior)

Anad Jon Alexander ( A fashion designer who was charged of raping two women and a 15 year old girl)

Yancy Butler ( an actress who stared in a canclled TV show who was caught drunk driving).

And the winner is drum roll please Anad Jon Alexander. That is all the time we have for today join me again next time on CNN.

Hello viewers welcome to column number 23 of CNN. Lets get to it. First Bush helps out Alabama. It appers our president has helped Alabama out at a time of crisis giving them everything they need. If only he did the same thing to New Orleans. Next High school dropout becomes cop. Apparently a high school dropout has gone from a loose condom to a loose life as she is now a cop. That proves any loser can be a sucsess. Next American Idol stuffed down our throats. American Idol ,American Idol that is all that has  been advertised  for years but yet it is hyped like crazy every single day. I can not watch FOX the network anymore without hearing American Idol tonight at 9 PM on FOX 29. Hee Haw Hee Haw why that can mean only one thing it is time for the jackass of the week.

Todays nominesse are

Robert R Mardirosian

Eminem

Richard Hatch

and John Popper.

And the winner is drum roll please. Eminem. Special thanks to 6abc.com for help. That is all the time we have for today join me again next time on CNN.

Hello viewers welcome to column number 22 of CNN. Lets get to it. First The question of a lifetime. There is a new show on the FOX network called Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader. It pits 10 year olds against dumb adults all hosted by a drunken hick named Jeff Foxworthy. Thanks but I got better things to do than listen to questions from my sisters textbooks. Next NFL Commercials while the season is over. Apparently the Campbells soup company does not realize the NFL season is over as they continue to advertise NFL great Matt Hasselback in Campbells soup commercials. If they say NFL sized hunger one more time I will  give them an NFL sized beating. Next Hit me baby one more time. It appers that ms former K-Fag has gone to extreme lows as she now shaved her head bald as reported last week on CNN, sobs in public, parties like crazy, to put it simply she has changed. Changed so much that she has now been sent to rehab to deal with her problems. One word describes it all psycho. Hee Haw Hee Haw why that sound can mean only one thing other than Britney Spears it is now time for the jackass of the week.

Here are this weeks nominesse.

NFL/Campbells

George Bush

Kelis Rogers Jones

and Paris Hilton.

And the winner is drum roll please. Kelis Rogers Jones. Special thanks to 6abc.com for help. Before we wrap things up I would like to acknowledge a loyal viewer who made a request to dedicate this segment to that persons self.  I will not mention this person by name but if you look at all the comments on our sister blog FOX you will know who this person is. That is all the time we have for today join me again next time on CNN.