CNN (Casey news network)

Hello viewers welcome to column number 36 of CNN. Now before we start this column one of our sources has found a video on youtube.com about Kobe Bryant ranting about what CNN rants about today such as Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. We reccomend our viewers check it out. Go to youtube.com, type Kobe Bryant Raw on the search engine, and click on the third video you see. We would like to issue a warning that due to suggestive dialouge and strong foul language viewer descration is advised. Now on to the show that makes Jerry Springer look like Sesame Street CNN. First the Paris Hilton interview. Now a couple of nights ago Paris Hilton gave her first media interview since her jail sentencing on Larry King Live. She told Larry that she was a changed person and would never make the same mistake again. Next time Paris dont let your lawyer write speeches for you. Next Smacked Down. Apparently popular professional wrestler Chris Benoit has been accused of murdering his wife Nancy better known to wrestling fans as Benoits manager at one point dubbed Woman and his 7 year old son Daniel and then placeing a bible over their bodies and then hanging himself by his weight lifting machine. Authorites belive the cause of this rampage was steroids. Steroids for a fake sport, talk about desprate. Next the Nintendo Wii. Apparently the Nintendo video game company has made a new system called the Nintendo Wii. The system involves a remote which involves heavily on hand movement. God only knows what some of your hands do without a Wii remote. Just a reminder folks the jackass of the week award has been cancelled it has over worked our writing schedule I aplogize for all the fans of the jackass of the week we are brain storming a replacment for the jackass of the week which should be decided in the coming weeks. That is all the time we have for today join me again next time on CNN.

Hello viewers welcome to column number 35 of CNN. Lets get to it. First Rosie has a Price. Apparently former View host and rumored stunt double for Jabba The Hut Rosie O Donnell has considered to be the host of the game show The Price Is Right. How much money does it take for them to say no? Next Slam Drunk. Long time NBA player Allen Iverson has apparently gotten into a bar fight with two customers hitting one of them with a beer bottle. Truely a missed shot. Next Hells Lawsuit. The host of the popular television show on the FOX network Hells Kitchen Gordon Ramsey has been acussed of faking scenes for a resturant makeover reality show. Martin Hyde an owner of an Indian American resturant claimed that Ramsey said his meat was spoiled when it was not spoiled and did other false claiming things. Certainly hells lawsuit. I am starting to get sick of writing the jackass of the week award because it is getting to be too much work so I am here by cancelling the jackass of the week award. That is all the time we have for today join me again next time on CNN.

Hello viewers welcome to column number 34 of CNN. Lets get to the action. First Chesseburger in not much paradise. Apparently renown actor David Hasselhoff has had his daughters video tape him drunk eating a chesse burger off the floor. So many celebrites falling off the wagon these days. Next the Sopranos season finale. A long running television series known to many as the Sopranos has finally given up on airing episodes and ended with their series finale. Mamma Mia!  Next Heat Wave Approching. In the Philadelphia area this weekend we are bound to have some good weather as there will be a heatwave in the 80s this weekend. This weekend going to be hotter than Pamela Anderson in Philly. Hee Haw Hee Haw why that sound means one thing and one thing only it is time for the jackass of the week.

Here are this weeks nominesse

Lindsay Lohan (For crashing a car in 2005 under the influence of alcohol)

Lou Pearlman (A boy band creator who was charged of financial fraud)

Allen Iverson (He got into a bar fight with two customers and hit one of them with a beer bottle)

Sean Stewart (Son of the legendary singer Rod Stewart who assaulted a couple with a brick)

And the winner is drum roll please. Allen Iverson. That is all the time we have for today join me again next time on CNN.

Hello viewers welcome to column number 33 of CNN. Now lets get started. First The not so Simple Life. Now several weeks ago I mentioned Paris Hiltons recent jail sentenceing. However this past week Paris was somehow let out of jail. It did not last long however as police sent her back to court in handcuffs and then went back to jail. Why let her out in the first place because she has millions of dollars? Next Hells Kitchen. It is a show on the FOX network (Not to be confused with the food review blog FOX) that pits lots of rising chefs against each other hosted by an abusive power hungry boss named Gordon Ramsey. Certainly it can taste the ratings. Next Captin Jack Stupid. How can the Pirates of the Caribbean movie be number 1 when the previous movies absolutley suck. Just goes to show how fickle people are. Hee Haw Hee Haw why that sound means one thing other than the making of a new Pirates of the Carribean movie it is time for the jackass of the week. Normally I would post nominesses on the jackass of the week but seeing as though as I am sick and tired of everbody hyping this stupid Paris Hilton case the unanimous winner of this award is no drum roll for this one. Paris Hilton. That is all the time we have for today join me again next time on CNN.

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FOX The Real Resturanters Review. Updated every Sunday.

Hello viewers welcome to column number 32 of CNN. Now lets get started. First Michael Vick the Dog fight owner? Apparently Virginia police have found a dog fighting ring along with pitbulls ready to fight and Michael Vick has been involved in this scandal. Next time Vick dont fumble the ball. Next Rosie does it again. Rosie has apparently had another heated debate this time with View host Elizabeth Hasselback. This debate lead to Rosies early departure from The View. Now this will give Rosie a chance to eat at some good greasy all you can eat buffets. Next Child Found. A missing 7 year old boy named Andrew Rankins was found after being abducted by his mother but thankfully he was found. One word, Irony. Hee Haw Hee Haw why that sound means one thing only it is time for the jackass of the week.

Here are this weeks nominesse.

Lindsay Lohan (For drunk driving which she drived on a curb)

Patrick Lodiers (A television host who hoaxed real kidney paitents in to thinking they will get a kidney transplant)

Howard Bragman ( Paula Abduls agent who did terrible things like did not accompany her to the Jimmy Kimmel Live show)

David Hasselhoff (He video taped himself drunk eating a cheeseburger on the floor).

And the winner is drum roll please. David Hasselhoff. That is all the time we have for today join me again next time on CNN.